4 ways to survive beyond the honeymoon phase of your home building project
So you are going to build a home? Let’s talk about reducing stress when the honeymoon ends.
Many people, when they embark on a large home building project, start off in a honey-moon phase full of excitement and anticipation. Starry eyed, they think about all the things they want in their future home. They will eagerly create many photo albums of home styles they like, cool bathroom designs and to-die-for kitchens. This part is fun and should be enjoyed of course! Then, a mistake happens. It could be that the wrong windows were ordered or zoning won’t allow your roof design and then the rosy glasses start to come off because...fairy tales in home building do not exist….and that's ok. Inevitably, there will be mistakes and issues will arise causing stress and anxiety for you. These issues can come from the town planning department, HOA, neighbors, your architect or builder. That is normal. Here are some ways to cope when plans run amuck on your new home build so you can enjoy your experience as much as possible.
Cope Ahead.
The first way to manage the stress of home building is to accept and know that it will be a stressful process before you start. Many people become extremely stressed and anxious during construction because they have unrealistic expectations about how the process will unfold. They imagine that each little error made on the project is unacceptable and they expect perfection therefore becoming very upset over small, easily solved issues. This type of tension only increases over the span of the project to the point where the homeowner may be completely exasperated by the end and disenchanted with their project. This can be avoided! Do some research, read some horror stories, really it’s ok to educate yourself as to what can happen. In fact, you should be prepared mentally that the process will be a winding road. Don’t let the stories deter you though. Building your own custom home can and should be a very rewarding process.
2. Choose the best home building guide.
You need to have someone spearheading your project. If you want to enjoy the process, I strongly recommend that you do not attempt to be the owner-builder of your first custom home project. It may seem easy from watching home shows on TV or maybe a friend of yours flipped a house. To reduce the toll this project will have on you, you need to find someone that will be your go-to point person (your quarterback, your point guard). You want to find someone who will be invested in the success of your project. Most importantly you want them to be motivated by the quality of work not by hours worked or by materials purchased. Working with a Design Build firm can provide this type of all-inclusive home building service that includes design, construction and project management under one roof. When you are interviewing firms to run your project, make sure the company you choose has people you will like to work with. Your new home build will likely take at least 18 months so you want to make sure you’ll get along with the team spearheading your project.
3. Know the difference between a mistake and a scam.
This is the toughest part of the home building process in terms of managing your own stress. People make mistakes and inevitably someone will make a mistake on your project. That’s ok. Everyone is human. You do want to watch out for scams however, when those mistakes are actually intentional, designed to make money off of you or to distract you from other issues on site. I see scams as falling into 4 main categories: 1. Scams that can be attributed to miscommunication between you and anyone else on the project. 2. Scams by which an architect or contractor tries to design or construct something erroneously or intentionally wrong in order to make more money from you. 3. Scams that can be attributed to calendar errors affecting schedule. 4. Just plain robbery. So how do you identify the difference between a mistake and a scam? And what do you do if you find a scam?
Get everything in writing. This is the single most important way to avoid errors due to miscommunication. Over communicate. If you speak to your contractor on the phone about something, text them after to confirm what you talked about. Don’t just say that you want a Hale Navy accent wall, screenshot the paint color swatch and text it to them.
Change orders must happen before they are constructed. Make sure that if you make a change to the original plans, the contractor must give you a change order to sign before he/she begins construction work on the change. The change order should include the material facts of the change as well as the difference in cost.
Ask for a second opinion from an unrelated party that won’t benefit from their answer
Fire the contractor or architect that has scammed you. If you do have the misfortune of dealing with an unethical architect or contractor you should end the contract. Often, people get caught in the trap of thinking that they will lose more money if they fire the contractor or architect responsible for scamming. I’ve heard people say “the devil you know is better than the one you don’t.” The problem with such thinking is that you are now accepting bad behavior and therefore become complicit in downfalls of your project. You should try to resolve differences but when all else fails, find someone else. This will be frustrating and likely even angering but it will be better to move on with someone new than continue with a company who is repeatedly reckless, disrespectful or outright scamming you. There are good architects and contractors out there, I promise.
4. Enjoy the process.
Be proactive in enjoying the process. There will be many many decisions to make on your project and you should lean on your lead designer to guide you through them. Remember that is what you are paying them for! I have seen a grown adult cry because they could not decide on which tile to use for the kitchen backsplash. Your lead designer should be narrowing down choices for you so that you do not get overwhelmed. If they are not then ask them to do so. Make sure to provide the design team with good inspiration images of the style, look and feel of what you want. Then lean on them to provide you with appropriate design choices based on your specific design style. If you don’t like what the designer is providing you you can try to sleep on it while reminding yourself that design is a process. When you wake up you might see things differently or you may still want changes and that’s ok too. At least you gave your stress a little relief.
When things go wrong, try to step back as hard as that may be, and remember that you are engaged in a complex process to create something you will love for a long time. Remember that your design and construction team is working hard for you and though they may strive for perfection, mistakes do happen. If you have hired someone to run point on your project, then try to rely on their expertise and let them lead so you can have more free time to enjoy life during the process.
Good luck on your custom home building experience!